Them Bunnies
by Shadownia 'Fried Rice' Clow
Summary: A (late) birthday present for Ren "Bunny Baby/Execution Grounds" Suzugamori. This kind of explains the Bunny Baby nickname. ) Warnings: Yaoi, playboy bunnies, lap dances, and so much crack, you'll be higher than a rocket. 8D


He regrets sitting up.

"Owie…"

A hangover. As he relaxes his hand, he glimpses something shiny on it.

He looks at it.

Sniffs it.

Touches it with another finger.

Pokes himself with it.

Dabs his nose with it.

Whimpers in pain when he realizes he's poked too hard.

Then, he figures out what it is.

"Glitter?"

He's alone in his confetti, glitter, plastic cups, streamers, frosting, and mysterious smell/substances covered Foo Fighter HQ Party Floor.

"Whaaa?"

He also notices a thick white blanket. Well, he's cold so he goes and wraps it around himself.

Odd, he usually doesn't notice if it's hot or cold.

When he walks into the other room, the following greet him.

Kai in ABSOLUTELY NOTHING but an apron cooking breakfast.

Aichi in a...is that a playboy bunny outfit?

A very injured Misaki and Asaka could be seen outside…on the front pavement…passed out…in playboy bunny outfits…and an old perverted geezer decided to grope their boobies.

Manager Shin is also passed out, but at least he has the three girls from Ultra-Rare/Psy Card Shop lying across him in every which way.

Emi and Tetsu are in the adjacent room snuggling and still sleeping.

And finally, there's Ren himself.

When he walks in confused by all of the mess, he looks at (a very deliciously sweet ass for eye-candy and – lucky! – completely exposed for Ren to look at) Kai for guidance.

Kai got the memo.

"Yes, all of that" – points spatula at the others – "happened yesterday."

"I don't seem to remember."

Kai sighs and slips the chocolate pancakes onto a clean plate (emphasis on clean) and motions for Ren to sit down at the island counter.

"I'll remind you as you eat."

* * *

Yesterday

* * *

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REN!"

The streamers and confetti surprised the redhead.

"It's my birthday?"

Aichi nods while giving him a strange stare.

"You don't remember your own birthday?"

Ren grins, "Nope! But if it's my birthday, that means there'll be a party right?"

Kai steps up. "Well, here it is."

He turns on the lights with a snap of his fingers…LIKE A BOSS.

Cakes, streamers, and decorations flooded Ren's eyes and there was only one thought going through his mind.

"LET'S PARTY, BITCHES!"

And so they partied hard. And they soon got drunk because Aichi isn't as innocent as he looks and likes to spike people's punch with heavy doses of vodka.

And who knew Ren was a light-weight?

We all thought he was too oblivious to know when he was totally piss drunk.

Yes, Aichi spiked Emi's drink and she pissed drunk singing the My Little Pony theme song with cake all over her face.

And the only ones who managed to stay somewhat sober are Kai, Tetsu, Kamui, and surprisingly; Aichi.

Fucking heavy-weights.

And during the course of their drunken mishaps, everyone's pants are now hanging from the ceiling.

This led to a very apocalyptic event.

We all know Aichi and Ren want Kai's cute little butt in their beds, but they're possessive. So when even Psyqualia can't help you win a Cardfight, Ren does the only thing that a boy can do in this situation.

"I propose whoever gives Kai the best lap dance in this party gets to bed him tonight!"

Because it is Ren's birthday and he got the Burger King crown (God, I miss those stupid paper crowns.), Kai gives into his request.

Tetsu, being the cool and very protective of Emi dude that he is, takes Emi to the couch and huddles her in a blanket.

She doesn't need to see her older brother giving his rival/ friend a lap dance.

Then Misaki and Asaka suddenly become sadistic and I'm-desperate-and-horny-so-I-also-want-Kai's-fine-little-ass-in-my-bed-NOW bitches, say this.

"I have an idea! Let's blindfold Kai so that he can't tell who gives him the dance. Then we take turns giving him the lap dances! Kamui can announce when a new dancer is gonna go on Kai."

"WHY DO I GET SUCH A MINOR ROLE?"

"Because you're just that unimportant. NOW SHUT UP AND EAT YOUR CHEESE SANDWICH."

The Ultra-Rare girls decide to put on some music. Tracks include…

"Who Booty" by John Hart feat. IamSu

"Dirty Dancer" by Enrique Iglesias feat. Usher and Lil' Wayne.

(You see how I suggested what songs you should listen to for the following section? Yup, I'm so genius like that~)

When all four of our contestants were finished changing into playboy bunny outfits (respectively colored, mind you) and trying to seduce Kai before the dance competition started, the dances began.

Turn 1: Ren

Kai is fucking unmovable. And I wished Ren would dance like that more often.

Turn 2: Misaki

Kai nearly suffocated in her breasts. Poor boy.

Turn 3: Asaka

Kai was ignored, Ren was humped, and Manager used a bamboo stick.

Turn 4: Aichi

Kai found this one rather pleasant.

Turn 5: Misaki

This time she tried to suffocate Kai with her crotch. She got herself knocked out instead.

Turn 6: Aichi

Kai was not pleased because contestant tried to pull off his pants. Aichi could simply not control himself.

Turn 7: Asaka

…Ren's legs hurt from running.

Turn 8: Ren

Kai enjoyed it. Like really enjoyed it. He groped that ass all the way through.

When it was done, Kai spoke.

"Turn 8 and Turn 4."

Asaka and Misaki got mad so they decided to get violent.

Ren and Aichi were like bosses and tossed them bitches out on they emo asses.

Tetsu uncurled Emi from her fluffy Hello Kitty blanket.

"Tetsu-san is like a huge teddy bear."

Tetsu blushed.

Ren whispered to Aichi.

"I think your little sister is hitting on my friend."

Aichi went to use Misaki and Asaka as punching bags.

Manager Shin went to play a few rounds of strip poker with the Psy Card Shop ladies.

Tetsu could see Ren stare like a hungry dog at poor little Kai's ass, so Tetsu immediately cleaned and put Emi to sleep and took her to another room.

And just when Kai sighs and turns back to look at Ren, Ren has already pounced and began tearing his shirt off.

However, Aichi steps in (he just got back from knocking those two the fuck out) and begins tearing off Kai's pants.

After half an hour, Ren decides to stop sharing so he knocks out Aichi and throw him into the corner.

Ren kidnaps Kai into his room.

The next hours involved lots of whiplashes, handcuffs clinking, screaming, moaning, muffled screaming, whipped cream, cake, licking, strawberries, stuffed rabbits, and lots and lots of rated M stuff that will definitely get this fanfic removed.

But soon, Ren passed out from being too drunk.

* * *

Present Day

* * *

"So I was awesome last night."

Kai gave Ren the middle finger, his whole face turning the same shade of our Bunny Baby's hair.

"Anytime, anywhere."

Kai threw a pancake at him.

"While I don't think I can deny it Ren, I think people are going to get mad if you walk around in that blanket."

Ren looked down.

In big red letters.

ON DECEMBER 12, 2012; TOSHIKI KAI IS NOW OFFICIALLY MY BITCH/UKE.

–REN SUZUGAMORI

Ren smiled.

Kai smirked.

I giggled.

Everybody started recovering from last night and woke up to see Ren in the kitchen.

And all the fangirls evaded security and got onto the floor as well. I know I got here on time.

5…

4…

3…

2…

1…

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, REN! =D

YUP YUP~! Happy birthday Bunny Baby! xoxox Sorry, Dance Concert/Finals made this an extremely late drill!


End file.
